I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
