I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
