Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
