...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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