i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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