he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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