We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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