and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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