I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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