This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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