Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
