My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
