i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i will never coherently bang her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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