i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
