THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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