Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
