Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
