I will die if light touches me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
