I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
