She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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