Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it glows. i had to have it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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