You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
