he wants to bone in the snuggie
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
