TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
