overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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