Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
