You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
