DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
