when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
