I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
