Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Randomize
