I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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