i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't turn off my feet"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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