Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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