the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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