i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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