Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
