Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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