I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
