you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
