The maid of honor just puked.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
