woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
