You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it because I queefed?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
