I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
