He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
