Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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