we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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