3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why can't burritos get me drunk
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
