If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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