Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
