You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
