Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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