dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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