I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
