My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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