took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
