This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
