Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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